Mike Ference, a.k.a. The Mon Dawn gives golden insights on gambling windfall hyper-drive

It may be a while before Pennsylvania residents see any of the alleged tax savings that will come, theoretically, from the revenue generated by slot machines. During the interim (which may last a few decades) I have an idea that our government leaders should consider.

It seems like one obstacle to the more-gambling-less-taxes payoff is that we can’t fill all the openings on the PA Gaming Commission and Gaming Control Board because it’s virtually impossible to find anyone in the state who favors gaming but isn’t somehow connected to the mob. And even after someone is appointed it seems that they either decide to retire after a month or two or they have to go to court for a murder rap.

I suggest we sidestep this obstacle by threatening to offer PA Gaming positions to legitimate business people who would probably pay good money not to be considered. For example, suppose it was leaked to the media that Microsoft CEO Bill Gates was being considered for a position on the PA Gaming Control Board. I’d bet good money that Mr. Gates would pay good money just to have his name taken off the list. Maybe he’d even pay a little extra to have the board send out a press release stating that Gates had never been a contender, that the media was simply wrong. That might be good for a couple million bucks — and it’d probably arrive a lot faster than the jackpot the pro-gaming utopians keep telling us about.

Using the same ruse, we could probably get big money from the Vatican by offering gaming positions to high-profile church leaders. What the heck, maybe we even float the possibility of a powerful role in PA Gaming for the Pope — that should pull in some wealth for the Commonwealth, and perhaps even some nice artwork, which can be hung in our casinos. If they ever get built.

Then we can move on to international leaders. I’m sure Saddam Hussein wouldn’t want his name tarnished any further by being appointed to the PA Gaming Control Board — he’s probably got some cash hidden somewhere that he’d send to Pennsylvania to prevent us sullying his reputation.

I believe there’s an almost endless list of folks who would pay big bucks to avoid being associated with PA Gaming. I feel this has at least as good a chance to lead to lower taxes as legalized gambling. I hope our leaders give it a try.

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